Posts Tagged ‘corner of my eye’
What do you think of my story?
Any comments welcome, as long as they are truthful. Please leave comments on how I can improve, thanks!!
I swear on my father’s grave that on my plate of escargot a lone snail is moving, slowly creeping off the gold china edge. I shudder, and push my plate away from me. My mother has taken me to another one of her charity events again, another long evening spent in hot itchy fabrics eating God-knows-what when I could be eating oven-baked pizza and watching The Titanic over and over at home. I think this time everyone is donating to some animal shelter or something furry like that. Thankfully, Virginia is here to keep me company. Remembering to keep a straight spine, with my shoulder blades lightly touching the back of my gold and red velvet chair, I peer out of the corner of my eye, searching for the black haired beauty.
Virginia is over by the wedding-aisle long bar, sipping a flute of champagne and talking to Hunter, an attractive boy from our class. I quickly excuse myself, earning a sharp glare from Mom. She is bringing me to more and more of these soirées lately; as if in a month I will forget my proper place in society next to my peers and drop off the face of the earth. I just shrug my shoulders at her and speed walk over towards Virginia and Hunter, who are both laughing at someone Virginia has probably made fun of. She is one of the most straightforward girls you can ever meet, making up for her small petite frame. Her laugh rings across the room, echoing off every marble column and crystal chandelier. Some wealthy patrons scowl at the loud girl, then sniff and turn their cold shoulders away. Virginia never notices the stares; most of them out of envy. She is one of the most beautiful girls at The Alabaster Chasten Academy, our school, but thinks nothing of it.
“Beauty is just something to distract us from our lives,” Virginia said when I complemented her on her flawless face when we first met. Her honey colored skin glows beneath a turquoise beaded dress, and her tear colored blue eyes shine with laughter. Hunter pushes part of her black bangs back, and she shakes the chic, short bob out again. I approach them as soon as Hunter leaves to get her another drink.
“Hey Rose! I saw you over there with the cronies. Any passed out or slept with each other’s husbands yet?” Virginia asks teasingly, making me blush and look down.
“They’re not all that bad.” I say halfheartedly. “So I saw you talking with Hunter Crawford. Now he is a good catch; how’d you snag him this time?” Virginia is known for her boyfriends. She’s dated guys from the chess club to the swim team, and the activity council to the cheerleading squad. Right now she’s single, but Hunter is probably going to change that for her soon.
“We have health together this semester, and we’re partnered up to do this project on STDs. Totally revolting, but definitely valuable information if you know what I mean.” Virginia smiled and bumps me with her hip. I bump back and soon we’re trying to stifle our shrieks with our silk clutches.
“What about you, Rose? Anyone caught your eye?” An elderly couple waltz past us, the wife waving a gloved hand our way, and the man nods deeply. I smile back and pick up a small gold plate with an even smaller slice of lemon cake on it from the bar tender.
What Virginia really means is if Asher and I are officially a couple now. He’s been my best friend since we were in diapers, and I’ve had a huge crush on him ever since. Back in second grade, we were both playing under the big yellow slide when I kissed him on the lips. He reacted in the normal little boy way; wiping his lips with his sleeve, and screaming that he had gotten cooties. It took three teachers and the principal to calm him down. What can I say, he is a little outrageous.
Oh, and I have paragraphs, this just didn’t format it like that, so sorry.
And this is only a part of my first chapter. I still have another page, haha.
Critique my story? Best answer get 10pts!?
Any comments welcome, as long as they are truthful. Please leave comments on how I can improve, thanks!!
I swear on my father’s grave that something on my plate is moving, slowly creeping off the gold encrusted edge. I shudder, and push my plate away from me. My mother has taken me to another one of her charity events again, another long evening spent in hot itchy fabrics eating God-knows-what when I could be eating oven-baked pizza and watching The Titanic over and over at home. I think this time everyone is donating to some animal shelter or something furry like that. Thankfully, Virginia is here to keep me company. Remembering to keep a straight spine, with my shoulder blades lightly touching the back of my gold and red velvet chair, I peer out of the corner of my eye, searching for the black haired beauty.
Virginia is over by the wedding-aisle long bar, sipping a flute of champagne and talking to Hunter, an attractive boy from our class. I quickly excuse myself, earning a sharp glare from Mom. She is bringing me to more and more of these soirées lately; as if in a month I will forget my proper place in society next to my peers and drop off the face of the earth. I just shrug my shoulders at her and speed walk over towards Virginia and Hunter, who are both laughing at someone Virginia has probably made fun of. She is one of the most straightforward girls you can ever meet, making up for her small petite frame. Her laugh rings across the room, echoing off every marble column and crystal chandelier. Some wealthy patrons scowl at the loud girl, then sniff and turn their cold shoulders away. Virginia never notices the stares; most of them out of envy. She is one of the most beautiful girls at The Alabaster Chasten Academy, our school, but thinks nothing of it.
“Beauty is just something to distract us from our lives,” Virginia said when I complemented her on her flawless face when we first met. Her honey colored skin glows beneath a turquoise beaded dress, and her tear colored blue eyes shine with laughter. Hunter pushes part of her black bangs back, and she shakes the chic, short bob out again. I approach them as soon as Hunter leaves to get her another drink.
“Hey Rose! I saw you over there with the cronies. Any passed out or slept with each other’s husbands yet?” Virginia asks teasingly, making me blush and look down.
“They’re not all that bad.” I say halfheartedly. “So I saw you talking with Hunter Crawford. Now he is a good catch; how’d you snag him this time?” Virginia is known for her boyfriends. She’s dated guys from the chess club to the swim team, and the activity council to the cheerleading squad. Right now she’s single, but Hunter is probably going to change that for her soon.
“We have health together this semester, and we’re partnered up to do this project on STDs. Totally revolting, but definitely valuable information if you know what I mean.” Virginia smiled and bumps me with her hip. I bump back and soon we’re trying to stifle our shrieks with our silk clutches.
“What about you, Rose? Anyone caught your eye?” An elderly couple waltz past us, the wife waving a gloved hand our way, and the man nods deeply. I smile back and pick up a small gold plate with an even smaller slice of lemon cake on it from the bar tender.
What Virginia really means is if Asher and I are officially a couple now. He’s been my best friend since we were in diapers, and I’ve had a huge crush on him ever since. Back in second grade, we were both playing under the big yellow slide when I kissed him on the lips. He reacted in the normal little boy way; wiping his lips with his sleeve, and screaming that he had gotten cooties. It took three teachers and the principal to calm him down. What can I say, he is a little outrageous.
Oh, and I have paragraphs, this just didn’t format it like that, so sorry.
And this is only a part of my first chapter. I still have another page, haha.