Vending Machine

Just introduced the main character in my story, please read and tell me what you think?

So, I’m writing this story and so far this is the furthest I’ve gotten, but I know how the story will end.
Brooklyn Dream is the most popular girl at school, she has everything she could ever want and has had more than enough boys in her time. But none of them ever seem right.
But now, the mysterious arrival of Remus has changed things.
In this chapter, Brooklyn meets Remus for the first time in a dream,

Chapter 3
I walked down the main corridor at my school. But something was wrong, it was empty.
No kids nicking off.
No teachers trying to find the kids that were nicking off.
No parents trying to find the principals office.
No one.
I was suddenly conscious of the noise my stilettos were making on the highly polished floor and I tried to walk slower, quieter.
I walked past many classrooms, past a row of lockers, a vending machine, a bin, a bench, then I heard a noise.
"Hello,"
I whirled round towards the source of the noise, my hair fanning around my face. I gasped, leaning back against the lockers, which I had just passed a moment ago, was the most beautiful man.
He was tall, even when he wasn’t standing up straight. Taller than me even with my killer heels on. Every slight movement caused muscles to ripple under his shirt, yet he wasn’t bulky. He was wearing plain, black jeans and a tight black shirt, the simplicity of it making his face stand out even more. His head was covered in shaggy, white hair. Not blonde. White. It was long and uneven, covering his eyes so I couldn’t see them. His face was perfectly structured and flawless. The man brought the image of David’s Michelangelo to my mind, although this man was a lot, lot more beautiful.
I frowned as I felt a sudden rush of an unfamiliar emotion which I soon noticed as envy. Pure envy.
This man was more beautiful than me! No one had ever been able to hold a candle to my beauty before! I was always the one that had the looks, the boys, the friends and the money. But this man suddenly made me feel small and unimportant and… ugly…
I shuddered, I didn’t like how this man made me feel. Like I should follow him no matter what.
His perfect lips tugged at the corners, as though he was trying not to smile… and failing.
"Did you not hear me? I said hello," he repeated.
Oh yes, I’d heard him. His voice was perfect, like melted chocolate. it was soft and musical, like notes on a well tuned piano, but it was also commanding and strong, like the ocean.
"I heard you," I grimaced at how weak and pathetic my voice sounded compared to his, "Hello,"
This time, he didn’t even attempt to hide a smile. He positively beamed.
He’s enjoying this, I thought.
I flipped my hair over one shoulder and straightened myself to make me appear taller.
"Can I help you?" I asked. Yes, I might hate this man for being so… perfect… but I was still prom queen, and expected to show guests around the school grounds.
"No,"
I waited for him to continue. But he didn’t.
How rude,
"Well, do you want to see a teacher? The principal? Are you a parent?"
I pushed him to give me an answer, but he laughed. It was such a wonderful laugh, after a moment of thinking, I remembered what his laugh reminded me of, when there’s a slight breeze in my room, and the crystal chandelier starts tinkling. Oh how the boys would drool if I had a laugh like that.
"No I’m not a parent. And as for teachers and principals, they’re all at home right now, warm and safe in their blankets," he paused for effect, "Asleep,"
I felt an urge to laugh, but something in his face told me he was being deadly serious. But, that was impossible. Right?
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So, what do you think?
Liza St Jean

Btw, the guy is like, centuries old but he only looks twenty or so.
If you know Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance, in Black parade, he has white blonde hair I sort of think of Remus like that only with a lot longer hair.
And she always wears stilettos so in her dream, she’s wearing them too.

And thanks for the advice, I’ll keep that in mind.
Oh, and wisma29, thank you.
I try my best